The power of crying

During a recent Ecstatic BDSM session, my client cried very deeply. Afterwards she emailed me to ask these questions:

Why was I crying? Where is the pleasure there? Somewhere more deep?

This is a very interesting topic and this is what I wrote in response.

Your questions are really interesting. Each person is different in the way they respond, and it is only by exploring this more that you can find out how it is for you. I can however share my experience around crying and emotional release, and perhaps this will be helpful for you.

For many years I had a story around crying. It meant I was sad, and as a result I often resisted it. I couldn’t cry in front of other people, and yet when I saw an emotional movie I would often weep – particularly when I was alone.

When I do intense BDSM sessions as a receiver, I often need to go through ‘the edge of emotions and tears’ as you beautifully put it. And as you observed, on the other side of this there is a very special space. I find that often I need this release first, before I can sink deep into that special space.

Ecstatic BDSM with London Faerie

Image by Matt Christie

However I have also noticed that I am much freer to cry now, and I believe my experiences in BDSM have helped a lot with this. I let go of the story about crying being ‘negative’ or ‘sad’, and instead I just see it as energy moving through my system. I have learned that I run a lot of energy all the time, and sometimes it is overwhelming. Crying is an outlet to release this overflow, and I welcome it when it comes. I find that by allowing myself to cry whenever I need to, I quickly move back into the flow. Before I used to hold on and this would cause the energy to get stuck; and I’d need a big release (like a beating or watching a super-sad movie!) to move this stuck energy.

Sometimes it can be a bit strange – it is not uncommon these days for me to burst into tears on the Tube, or in a restaurant, and I still struggle with being this public about it. However the deeper I go into this work, the less I can stop it from happening. So instead I challenge my idea that it’s wrong to do this, and in doing so I release my shame around crying as well as allowing my energy to flow as it wants to.

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  • Jemma L

    I wish more of us would cry openly in society. I think it’s a massive gift for everyone – as we all share sadness and grief, and it also makes space for more joy. Thanks for writing about it.

    September 23, 2012
  • Eva

    One of the most beautiful moments for me was when my tears welled up – in an instant moment, out of the blue, out of depth. In one second, I felt pierced deep inside, my face was flooded and it curled me down.

    September 05, 2013

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